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THE PARADOX OF SUCCESS


This morning has been full of overwhelm, tears, toddler tantrums and sibling squabbles. I want to run out my door, down the hill to the beach, and scream under a cold crashing wave, letting that rage, frustration and hint of sadness all out. I want to hand it over to the chill of the pacific ocean and emerge anew.


But instead, I am sitting here with my tummy rolling over the top of my underwear, with a frozen face from the 'glass' mask that covers it - hoping it will erase that vertical line between my brows that is so deep it hurts. I sit here with this face mask and the muffled noise of Alice in Wonderland distracting my kids for a moment so I can catch my breath and write to you. I sit here taking turns typing while shovelling Pâté and d'Affinois into the slit of my frozen face, all while contemplating botox or laser, something to erase the 10 years of ageing it appears I have done in just a few weeks. I feel the softness of my body against the firmness of my bed and how much I desire to do a workout if I could just find a spare 30 minutes in the day. Today, like all the others that have passed and will be, is not a typical one, because there is no so-called usual, it frequently changes as I navigate between mothering, housekeeping and running a global business whilst technically being so small. The irony of this paradox gets me every time.


I remember reading the article about me in Forbes on the very same day I was trying to figure out how x can pay y and z - wondering how the hell I was going to come up with the funds while being featured in a magazine about financial and business success. I always had this idea that success, as a business, went hand in hand with financial success but what I have learned is that it isn't such a clean cut statement. Rather it is that financials are going to be the biggest obstacle and the funds that come in are going to go straight back out, so you need to offset that by widening the bridge between what comes in and what goes out.


I never studied business, I studied Economics in high school because it was either that or Religious Studies and Religious Studies was not about Religion as a whole, it was about one Religion, the one of my all girls Catholic boarding school. So naturally, I chose Economics. The very little business I did learn was through eavesdropping and observing conversations between my grandfather and his friends. When I was a child, I would spend my weekends with my grandparents. My grandfather was not so keen. I was constantly crashing his early retirement yachting dream. It became our routine, every Friday afternoon we would pack the car and drive to the Marina and board their boat and set sail for the weekend. These weekends on the boat sailing between islands off the east coast of Australia were full of long lunches and dinners with my grandfather's fellow yachting mates (sounds more glamorous than it was, trust me). I was instructed to sit, eat, not speak unless spoken to and not mess up the one dress my mother packed me. I went from a starving belly and nights alone to smorgasbords of the finest food and nights on a sailing yacht. I could not be more confused if I tried. On these weekends, I would overhear the conversations, quietly listening to this deal and that deal, how you got to run this and that through the business, to only buying toiletries at the pharmacy because it's a tax cut, to how if you do this with x y and z you get the a - z. I didn't really understand it all but I did gather that business in the late 80s and early 90s was a mind field of opportunity and massive wealth was to be made if you just took the right risk.


It was these weekends that deepened my awareness of beautiful things, from the way people composed themselves and after a few wines would speak the most sense they had said all evening. I was a child living in a grown up world, exposed to grown up things and very little 'kid stuff'. I knew about comparison before I could spell. I knew life was about opposites and everything in between. I knew what caring for someone looked like in life and what not giving a toss looked like too. I knew this from the age of three and it has never left. I remember one of Australia's previous Prime Ministers sitting at one of those long late evening dinners well before his political success and how he talked about music and wine for hours on end, how his daughter would dance with me and make me feel less alone. I have good memories amongst it all but you see, I have always seen success, great success; I have always been next to it, cheering it on. Friends who became famous actors, flatmates who became massive fashion houses… I was always there seeing it all but I never had not one thought about it for myself. I knew early on that I wanted to be seen and known for something and wanted all those pretty things I adored since I could speak but I never thought of success for myself in such a straightforward term. Somehow successful people always gravitated towards me. Perhaps it's the way I communicate and am able to adapt to anyone and everyone, or maybe it's because I know that bottle of wine better than anyone else in the room because I am obsessed with the things I love. Who knows? But if I told you all the people I have worked with, for and been in the company of, you wouldn't believe me. It’s too unfathomable. So as a mother and a woman running a small business in a large way, I can honestly tell you that it is a constant state of “finding your new normal” each and every day.


After years of just winging it and doing what I wanted in the moment and placing my obsession for beautiful things all over it, I somehow ended up here. A place where balance does not exist because it implies that there is a destination of some sort. Things change by the hour in business and with kids every minute, so trying to strive for a form of balance is only setting you up for disappointment. What I search for in my days in how to navigate through what is most important for that day. This is how I am able to work full time, parent full time and juggle it all. It does not mean that it is always smooth and easy, it means that I am able to check in multiple times throughout the day and ensure my energy and time are being used in the most efficient and important ways. I let go of all the other stuff which can even mean I don't make dinner, or the kids miss their swimming lessons. I know that it won't be this way forever and that I am building upon very strong foundations that I own entirely, no borrowed funds, no borrowed property. It is a building thing for the long term and I think that is something I witnessed all those years ago at those dinner parties with my grandparents - to truly believe in your choices and always know the back story.


Motherhood is a herculean affair and so is running your own business, but at the core of both of them is my passion and drive. I see things through, and I care deeply about what I believe in and for those I love. I may not know how to write a business plan but I sure as hell know how to believe in something, get behind it and build it out, I always know what the why is. I know how to problem solve because my whole life has been problem-solving, finding beauty inside horror and it has left its mark - it has gifted me the ability to see things others may not be able to and help make it something everyone can see. At the same time that I know my strengths, I also know the areas that need some attention and growth. I know that helping my toddler change her underwear for the 10th time in the day from wetting them whilst trying to have a professional conversation with a head luxury buyer is probably not sustainable. I know some things need to change.


This awareness of change and the short moments of ease around my day are the main driving forces behind France and those things I desire: to have support with the children, to have support with the keeping of a home, to have someone cook us a freaking meal once a week… All these things we have never had due to shitty parents. Support that is not financially possible here in Australia because a cleaner and a nanny earn more than my friends with Law Degrees.


We are all different and what we want out of life is different, having different circumstances and choices does not make what you want right or wrong to anyone else, it is simply living a life that is authentic to you.

We are all different and what we want out of life is different, having different circumstances and choices does not make what you want right or wrong to anyone else, it is simply living a life that is authentic to you. Being a mother and having no career or project to work on is not for me. Living only for my children makes me feel like I have lost who I am. I have to live for myself first: my brain needs outside stimuli and my heart needs to follow what I love for me to be truly happy. And that makes me a better mother, that is my personal way of being.


You see, when you know the things you don't like or want, you gain clarity to build a list of things you do want, and you then see what it is you like. This helps you have a business/brand that morphs with you rather than against you. When I was recovering from having my kidney removed, I swore I would not spend another moment making someone else rich from my ideas and tenacity. I promised myself that I would only work for myself and make my thoughts become a reality. I was not sure how, what or when, I just knew that was the only way I wanted to work. I have dabbled in many things since then, and what I have today is the refinement of my life and journey, which is why it can not be replicated (even though some try). I am at the centre of everything I create and can never be replaced, exactly how I want my business to be. What I know now is that although I will always be the driving force, I do not have to be the one doing absolutely everything. Let others do what they do best for you, and focus on the things that you do best. And although this idea is not reflected in all aspects (just yet) it is that which I am building toward each day that I show up for myself and my business.


Being a small business doing big things for big places comes at a ginormous cost, especially when you don't see those things coming as fast as they do. Money and time are the two most circulating themes, and taking risks shortly follows. Individuals will come along and dangle carrots for you to bite; distractions will always be there, and you have to practice saying NO. You have to be able to say no in life and in business. If it doesn't feel 100% right and you have allowed yourself to think it over for a good week, you know it's a NO. If there is the slightest hesitation, you need to melt into that and see what lies beneath it because it is your intuition telling you something is wrong every time. You should always feel safe in the choices you make and within your work. We have been conditioned to ignore that "this doesn't feel right" feeling and just knuckle down and get the job done. We live in a culture that praises saying yes to everything and giving things a shot when we really need to be using the word NO as our biggest boundary. Because that hesitation you have, that inkling or feeling in the pit of your stomach, is a form of protection. And it’s time we start trusting that more and seeing where it takes us. It has gotten me here, and I am looking toward where it will take me next.


Amoureuse,


Brooke x


1 Comment


Unknown member
Sep 15, 2022

Love love love this so much Brooke!

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